I lie at the bottom of my watery casket, staring up through the shimmering mass of fluid at the white blur of light hovering over me. Slowly I am drowning, the reservoir of air draining from lungs that ache with its sharp, biting pain. The lack of oxygen should frighten me but instead it gives off a pleasant, fuzzy lightheaded sensation. Music, deep and distorted rumbles beneath me. I can feel the vibrations course and trickle across my skin, oozing their way inside my pale flesh. My heart is starting to thud and my fingers twitch and tremble. The calm and serene sensation still lingers but my head is starting to throb and my throat is growing narrow. I rise to the surface. The bath is shallow but it takes a while to rise, as if I am traversing a series of pressured layers. Breaking the surface I gasp, taking in deep lungfuls of air. My bony hands are clenched around the sides of the bathtub, digging into the porcelain handles. Carefully I lower myself back, keeping my head above the water’s surface. Adrenaline pumps strongly throughout my being, the tips of my fingers and toes tingling like fire. This is my daily ritual. Each time pushing my lungs that little bit extra. It started of as a bit of a fun, a challenge I took on for no other reason then for my own amusement. Not any more. Now it is a requirement. A daily vigil I must carry out in order to feel alive. The air around me is still and stagnant. There is no authenticity to it. It feels synthetic. Submerged under layers of water appeals to me more. I belong at the bottom of the ocean, searching the depths of the seabed. My limbs and joints feel loose, my brain clear. None of the aches and pains both physical and mental reach me down here. The water is an impenetrable barrier. A haven from the assaults of daily life.
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